blog temporarily closed
Monday, October 19, 2009
Dear blog,
Look at this place, the last post here was 19 days ago. It really is jaw-dropping how quickly things can take a turn. I'll get straight to the point: i'm shutting you down temporarily. My dad canceled the internet connection I had at home. If that isn't enough, my computer's entire hard disk went bust, bringing down some 250gb worth of stuff I had with it.
I thought I would be angry, jumping up and down. I lost everything, including some of my most prized collections. Over a thousand songs, countless number of 3d models I was working on, your blogskin code, hundreds of wallpapers, everything. Gone.
For some reason, I just hanged my head low, and life basically continued. I felt a little angry inside, but it never came out. I think i'm just used to all this shit happening at home. For once, I just went down without a fight. The anger inside me, as each day passes, simply converts a portion of itself into something else. It's sadness. Maybe i'm just managing my anger better now, but I wouldn't know. I scare myself sometimes.
There was a time I thought nothing could hold me back from this blog. I started this blog around this very same time last year, and it has been a steady rapidfire of blog entries here since, mark my words. I was so happy with this blog, this something which I finally did, something that i've always wanted. To reflect on myself, and to simply, well, archive my life somewhere. I do it for nostalgia's sake, really.
20 years down the road, I could look back at my older blogposts, and see for myself just exactly how I was, how i've been, and how I am. I think this blog is phenomenal for even myself, even if it's just a year old. I could always click on "September 2009" and compare the difference between what i've written in, say, "May 2009". Hell, i'm ready to bet every 2-3 months, there's something noteworthy that happens, something that changes the way I look at things.
I can't do this anymore. I wish I could, I really wish I do. I love sharing.
This blog has been a phenomenal success for me. More importantly, it has helped me reflect on myself, take a second look at what i've done, and help fix myself. I'm not being egoistic here, but I think i'm a ton more mature now than ever before. That wouldn't have been possible without this blog. You are good stuff, while it lasts.
With all these blog entries i've been writing here, I wanted to put an end to my diary. However, there was always something that held me back from killing my diary. I know why now. I knew this blog would just become inaccessible to me one day. This blog, you're here, and as far as you go, you're only as alive as my internet connection and computer. I lost both of them. And this isn't the first time that this has happened.
So, that means this blog is dead. It's inaccessible to me. This is what probably held me back from killing my diary. For now, until I get a brand new computer and a proper internet connection back at home, i'm reverting back to my diary. This blog is done.
I'm sorry, bloggie. I promised you a complete coverage of my Taiwan trip, which I probably will never manage to fulfill. Things took a turn for the worse too quick. If I don't happen to return anytime soon, come December 3rd, let me wish you a happy birthday in advance. That's right, you're turning 1 very soon!
As for me, my birthday is tomorrow. I'm turning 17 tomorrow. Time to grow up, a step closer to losing my youth. I really do doubt that if or not anyone would remember my birthday (or wish me happy birthday), but I think that doesn't matter. I just want my friends to stay as friends, even if they don't remember my birthday. Staying as friends is surely one of the harder parts of a friendship. The true test of relationships, is time.
As Chelsea might say, not all are built to last.
Gone for now,
Ramesh
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