after commenting on other people's posts on facebook just now, I looked at my own comments, and asked myself:
Is that even me? am I supposed to talk like that?
Sometimes, I wonder if i'm still that half-arsed guy I was when I made all those countless and crucial mistakes which derailed my entire life. To tell the truth, in many instances, still feel like i'm that big-mouthed idiot who is unable to express himself vividly enough in words or verbal communication. My mum has told me that I can't talk properly, and sometimes, I can't help but to agree. I say things I don't mean, I just do it. I don't use my brains enough before doing something, I just follow what my heart says, and without me knowing, I start to blahblahblah. Maybe I need to start writing my diary again -it will help me reflect on myself better.
I still have problems letting go of my pride at times, and really caring about what other people's thoughts are. After such a dramatic year of 2008, I've realized how hard staying happy was, and in my pursuit of getting this happiness back, I make a fool out of myself. If I do stupid things and ward people away when i'm happy, then I may just be better off the way I was. Hurt. At least, that way, i'd know the meaning of how it would be like to really really value something. That way, I can feel and relate to other people when they're feeling down.
There are countless number of things I appreciate. Wait, let me rephrase that.
There are countless number of things that I wish I knew how to show my appreciation for. There are things and people that I like so much, but I just don't know what to say to convey that my thought. Here I go again, unable to put myself into words once again. It's a struggle, sometimes, when I talk too fast even for myself to catchup with my own thinking. I just end up stuttering. It's as if I were talking nonsense the entire time, because I didn't manage to backup what I said with what I felt.
Maybe it's because i'm not really good at English. Sure, whatever I type here on welcome2thesocial sounds nicely put, but this isn't a accurate reflection of what my proefficeincy in English really is. More than anything, my writing language has been influenced by tech reviews I read and forums I visit online. It sounds nice, but it really isn't all that great. If it was that great, I wouldn't have problems expressing myself.
Our school had a questionnaire today, which was designed to generate a value-based profile for each one of us at ITE. Here's my results:
It's interesting, how i'm a Relations person, but not a Control person. I score kinda fair in both Thought and Work, altough Exposition (wtf is that?) is sticking out like some extra. It's good to know that I do good work, but i'm not a hard worker.
This beats the hell outta those Facebook quizzes.
I still feel like i'm still that idiot that I hate. For now, I gotta go to bed.
Sorry guys, especially for this rather unpleasant post.
"Live everyday like your last, because you'll never if you'll be around tomorrow."
Tomorrow will be a better day.
this world needs alot more love. People need to relax, lay off the coffee, and instead of smelling how good the coffee is, people should rather smell how good everything is around them, and how blessed all of us are, no matter how our lives may seem inferior to our peers.
...o-kay, where did that come from?
