quite alot has happened since, but I can't exactly recall everything. At least, not right now. However, among the major ones, was a class trip to the Marina Barrage.

pretty place. I never knew Singapore had come such a long way in such a short time. I've been living in this (stupid) farm, and fuck. I've been missing out so much.

To tell the truth, Singapore has changed. It still is changing, and, it's a blessing to live here. Even if you were to be on a farm.

My class is becoming increasingly fragmented, and not forgetting to mention, noisier. There're bunches of people here and there (cliques?), and the typical guys at the back of every class. Some who don't have the studying attitude, and some, just want to crack jokes and have a little bit of harmless fun for that day. Of course, this all results in noise pollution in the process. Nothing new.

It can get pretty annoying sometimes. They don't pay attention, and when suddenly have an outburst of attention span (lol godsend), they cut the teacher off with some lame question. The question is lame, because, if they paid attention, they wouldn't have to ask that dope question at all. But that isn't all. After the teacher explains everything to them exclusively, they go back into their own world. Plus, they're the ones asking for breaks and early lunches.

Where has the humility from today's people gone to?

I pity the lecturers sometimes. They're a nice bunch, honest. Today's COB lesson had terrible attendance, and terrible role-play presentations. Few were paying actual attention, and everything else blahblahblah. I was pretty fortunate to be seated beside Jacinthe for today, because she really helped, in a way, to follow the lesson to an extent. But still, the lesson was horrible overall. Sigh, the pupils shape the school.

I pitied Mr. Chin, as he was talking to the walls, rather than the class. From the front row, each time I turn behind, its a horrible sight. Turning back, Mr. Chin is still talking, facing the very same sight I thought was horrible. I've got no idea how, but Mr. Chin is a remarkably composed guy, for a lecturer teaching noisy classes. After assigning us work, he sat in front of us (we were at the front row). He said he was always happy. It's rare to see people like him these days. People, who's lives are not driven by brain, but by what they have in their hearts. I've tried to cultivate that for myself, but doing so is difficult. Very. However, Mr. Chin here, has done just that. Here's my salutations for 'im.

I've been reading Zhi Min's blog for quite a bit now. I really have to say, his blog carries a remarkable amount of depth with it, in every single post. I've always wondered if my blogposts carry -at least- a respectable amount of depth with it. Looking back at the previous posts, I wouldn't really say so. I'd say the deepest entry I ever wrote was this. I nearly wept in front of the computer while typing that out. I've lost that bit of depth since, but maybe that's just the way things were meant to be. Maybe i'm just done and over with feeling deep and down about things. Maybe i'm just done with it, over, and through. I'm in ITE now, I see this as a second chance. I see this as a change, and change will therefore take place. That's just that way things are now.

See, near half of the people in my class are working, supporting themselves, some balancing a O level retake, some who have lost a parent, either to nature's call, or to a series of unfortunate events. Some are taking their driving tests, and so on. These people, are just a few years older than me. I don't want to feel down, there are things to do. Nothing ever goes for me when i'm feeling down anyway. These things, that require you to really get off your chair. Like, really. What's the point of feeling deep, when there's all these things around? It's just time to get up, and do something. Anything.

Maybe the reason I don't feel down and deep, is because I chose not to. I see feeling sad, down, deep, depressed as a weakness now. I don't want to go there anymore. In fact, i've learnt the hard way. I've been there, and done that. I'm just through. I've seen for myself, how happiness in our lives have been taken for granted over and over again, countless of times. I've seen, how happiness is important in so many ways, how it's able to just convert everyday life into bliss everyday. It's just a matter of looking at the sunny side. There's 2 sides to everything in this world, and keeping the sunny side up, is just taken for granted.

I could feel down if I chose to. I can always chose not to look at the sunny side of things, and unleash something so deep, it would actually scare people away. I could always chose to dwell on how I hate living on a farm, how my Father is seemingly the #1 idiot in my life, how my computer just refuses to work the way it used to, how I didn't end up in poly, wasted 2008 away, and how I screwed up my life. Poly students get a notebook, don't have to wear uniform, and other things. I should have been there, but I screwed it up for myself. I could always just sit down, and cry over these for hours. I mean, I've always wished I could wear some nice Apparels from Billabong together with some nice, expensive shoes from Converse. Oh, and how about a actual decent haircut for myself? But truth be told, I never have had any branded stuff before (unless my ZEN counts). I've also wished that I wasn't obese from young, or maybe, was a better-looking guy. How about a girlfriend? Sure, having one will be nice. It would help me emotionally, too. I mean, what is happiness without being able to share it with someone? Majority of the guys my age have been attached before, or are attached currently. I wish I didn't get a grand total of $3 per day for pocket money, when other people write on their blogs that they were going to "try to survive with $4 a day".

I could always, chose to look at life as "sucky" and feel down about it. I may not be able to enjoy and experience what other people get to, but that's okay! I am what I am, and embrace it I shall. My dad may be one hell of a idiot, but still, everything parents do, is for us. He left home at 9PM to deliver a milk order to a restaurant. Does any other dad in Singapore do that? no. I may not have ever laid my hands on any sort of branded good of any sort before, but so what? I mean, what don't I have? All I seek for is a good heart, and that is all I need to carry on. Yeah, it stinks to get just $3 per day, but hey, i'm still living with it. That's far cooler than people who complain about how $10 per day isn't enough for them. Give me a break.

Material needs are just temporary, and can only go to a certain extent. Everything is temporary. Even our lives are temporary.

Me and my mum have been talking alot recently. I don't know why, but my Mum and I have alot of chemistry. Maybe it's in our blood, but really, I have alot more chemistry with my Mum, as compared to my other 2 siblings. This, i'm proud to say. My Mum may be a woman from a village from inda, but she today understands English perfect, and more importantly, understands me. Reaching this stage from a village in India isn't a everyday thing. Sure, we have our communication breakdowns here and there, but hey, what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger.

Ever since I started school, started a fresh, I feel that i've managed to pick myself up. This wouldn't have been possible if I didn't listen to my mum; it was her advice. Her advice was not to repeat sec4, but to go to ITE instead. My mum knew I wouldn't make it, and looking at the way things are now, i'm pretty sure of everything just working out in the end. I'm confident of scoring well here, and from here, i'll reach places. Even places out of my reach, will come within my grasp.

Listening to my mum's advice was the first step in the correct direction after how I screwed up my life in 2008. It really was. It's about time I return what I owe my mum.

As for my dad, the only time we really talk is when we argue. My dad asks us (me and my siblings) to listen to him, but I think he talks crap all the time. He says, children who don't listen to their parents will never make it anywhere in their lives. I know what he means, because if I refused to listen to my mum, and repeated sec4, my emotional state would still require help, and i'd be seeing 3 counselors in a year again. But still, although I know what he means, he still talks crap all the time. He's just a slob drowned in his own pride. I know I shouldn't be saying this, but whatever. My family just lacks communication, and I blame it on my dad. My dad doesn't do parenting at all, he always asks people to listen to him, or just shut the hell up. Other than that, he just orders people around. The next time we would actually utter words to each other's face would be in another argument.

BSE mock test tomorrow. Well, thank god the first one is a open-book one. Still, i'm kinda half-screwed. BSE's full of content. It's like geography in secondary school, just without those annoying essay questions. Yay!(?)

Wei Ling has put nicely into words, how secondary school was:

I do feel the same. I do miss secondary school alot, those were the best days of our lives. Zhi Min, too has said in his blog that, when he met up with HY, it was just a catch up session, and not a pour-your-heart-out kinda thing. It's sad, but moving on is important. Important. That's the drive people have to move on. If there's something I disagree, it's that time isn't on our side. We just have more control over our time now, which is why it doesn't seem to be on our side. That is to say, in secondary school, our entire day was planned and printed out on paper FOR US. That was why we got to have lots of time with each other. We didn't even have to care about time. Yeah, I miss that carefreeness. But still, having control over your own time isn't a bad thing at all. Rather, it's secure (for yourself). Anyway, what's there to be sad about? growing up is normal. We can all still stay young at heart. That's what i'd do. My nephew is my inspiration for that, he's a young-at-heart dude.

RESPECT IS MUTUAL, BABY

Post-script: this is the 30th post, since I started this blog. Most of these posts are long ones, so you can proudly say that, if you've been following this blog since the start...

this blog may have well over 60 blogposts worth of content. I so happy